The Exchange II, DeadGP's Meme: Aithne

THE EXCHANGE 2: THOU SHALT DIE MEME BY MY FRIEND DEADGP
Answered pleasantly by a cat perched atop a stool.

1. Why not go ahead and introduce us to your character(s)? I'm sure they're interesting!

Cassandra.

2. How, uh. . . interesting! Yeah, that's the word, sure. So why do they want to be a death god? The fame, the fortune, the eternal screams of souls being torn from their fleshy homes, etc.?

Oh, don't be so dramatic! I've seen souls leave bodies before, and almost none of them scream. I'm in it because life as Death seems more heaven than Heaven.

3. So I see. Well, only two deities are gonna be able to dole out the divinity! What do your characters think about Satan and Death?

I've only had passing brushes with Death, always brief and usually at a distance. We've all seen him, and though Bran seems to be his biggest fan, I've never really tried to talk to him before, myself. I'm mostly flattered he'd consider me for the job.

All I know about Satan is the stories. If he lives up to his reputation, that may be the one big hitch of this being my perfect dream job. You should have heard how Caitlin yowled about the prospect of going to work for him! Though to hear her speak of it, you'd think that she was decorating that cross and not the other way around.

4. How would your audition be different if your character was invited by Satan instead of Death, or vise versa?

Hard to say what to expect! I'd imagine everything would have been much less casual and much more official, full of pomp and ceremony. He certainly wouldn't have been nearly so surprised to see us all when he came around in his carriage.

5. What would your character do first in the glamorous gulch of debauchery that is the city of Nothing? Hit the bars? Find some ladies of the night? Hit some ladies of the night with a bar?

I've seen cities before. Nothing seems like the kind of city where nothing ever happens. Everyone there is already dead, so there's no fun in hunting them. Were I more the prankster sort, I'd likely mess with them endlessly. Still, I'd have eternity. Might as well learn!

For the most part, I'd imagine I'd stay away from the place. There's nothing there for me.

6. Your character has woken up with a massive hangover in a sleezy Nothing hotel. How did they get it?

By drinking what I want and sleeping where I want. Such is the life of a fairy cat.

7. Satan has called your character in for additional questioning for the position. He asks, "What does the phrase customer satisfaction mean to you?" in reference to a freshly reaped soul.  He also asks that your character submit to a drug test. How do they respond? Do they pass?

"Why, sir! I didn't know you cared."

Which substances are considered illegal to the Father of Sin?

8. Would your character willingly team up with a fallen opponent? Or do they hate friendship? It's okay if they do.

Oh, I do love having some friends around. I'm not one for hard feelings, or squandered resources.

9. I lied, it isn't okay, but they can live with that. What would your character's first act as a full-fledged death god be? Winning the lottery? Traveling through space? Winning the lottery in space?

I suppose I haven't given it much thought. I kind of expected to be going straight to work. It's a poor employee who goes slacking on their first day! Besides, the business is the pleasure. Beyond that, I suppose I'd have to find out just what all a death god is capable of. I'm sure I'll find many ways to entertain myself.

10. On a scale of one to supremely disgusted, how comfortable is your character with reaping the souls of mortals? Why?

It's just the natural way of the world. Better that they be reaped than left to wander!

11. Your character has won and is now working alongside Death, who asks them to reap every soul in an orphanage that's about to explode violently. Does your character comply?

To make things more interesting, how about I see how many I can get to die some other way before the explosion hits? Of course I'd comply. Whyever not?

12. Does your character have anyone they'd be leaving behind in the mortal world in their quest for godhood? Or are they loners? It's okay if they're loners.

Ah, the whole Pride of Eblana. I suppose we'll still see each other, though, at least in passing. It's Bran I'd miss the most dearly, and yet I couldn't wish to be reunited with him quickly.

13. It just means they weren't popular enough in high school. Did your character believe in the concept of an afterlife before this tournament? If not, on a scale of one to horrifically so, how badly did they crap their pants upon learning?

High school? Ha! That's a hoot.

It's hard not to believe in what you see with your own eyes.

14. Would your character work well with Death, or would it be a chore? What about with Satan?

If past relations between cats and death gods are any clue, I think we'll get along beautifully. Ultimately, I can't answer that until I get to know them. Time will tell. It always does.

15. LAST QUESTION. Satan prefers carriages. Death has his truck. What sweet ride would your character want to be seen reaping around in by all the mortal world?

Isn't it obvious?